My family kept a big box of Hanukkah decorations in the basement. Every year, a few days before Hanukkah, my father would tell us it was time to open the box. Heading to the basement with Dad to get that box was thrilling, and what made the moment so memorable was that I knew my father also loved that box.
Kids intuitively pick up the attitude their parents bring to holidays. And for families of all religious backgrounds, the winter holiday season can be joyful … but also stressful. There is the pressure of preparing for holidays, having your children compare your family’s celebration to those of other families, and experiencing the consumerism around gift giving.
Many families raising Jewish children, no matter their level of observance, celebrate Hanukkah in the shadow of the Christmas season. The two overlapping holidays can raise questions for both kids and parents: “Why do we celebrate Hanukkah? How do we relate to all the Christmas celebrations around us? Does our family celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or both?” Each family has to navigate its own answers to these questions.
A ninth century midrash (rabbinic explanatory story) explains that Adam in the Garden of Eden became afraid of the early winter’s shortening days. Once he saw that the days began to lengthen again, he created an eight-day festival of lights to help people get through wintertime darkness. This tale reflects the innate human impulse to seek ways to bring light into dark times, a theme that connects Hanukkah and Christmas despite their many differences.
The beautiful aspects that Hanukkah and Christmas celebrations share — lighting holiday lights and bringing joy to others — can be enjoyed while still feeling proud to be Jewish. After all, there is a delicate balance between preserving what is unique about being Jewish while also recognizing the contributions of other cultures and religions. That balance is central to the original Hanukkah story.
Because children intuitively sense their parents’ attitudes, celebrating Hanukkah in ways that make you feel genuinely enthusiastic can naturally extend to your kids. Share what brings you light in winter. Perhaps it’s finding ways to make your home feel especially cozy, eating delicious food, or simply hosting family and friends.
Find what’s exciting and meaningful to you about the holiday, and your family will feel the warmth. By celebrating Hanukkah in ways that feel both joyful and authentic, you can model for your children how being Jewish is about the pride and the light they bring to the world.
About the Author
Rabbi Rena Singer is rabbi at Congregation Emanu-El of San Francisco and cofounder of the Jewish Instagram account @modern_ritual.
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December 17, 2024