Present season has arrived, and the pressure to buy things is on, especially from our children. As someone who celebrates Hanukkah, I often want to tell mine, “Presents have nothing to do with Hanukkah! There are presents on Hanukkah only because it comes near Christmas! If you celebrate Hanukkah in Israel, gifts are not part of the equation!” Somehow this isn’t a convincing argument to them.
Over time, I’ve concluded I’m not going to win this battle. Perhaps I don’t even want to. I want my children to enjoy celebrating their Judaism, and since everyone around them is getting gifts, I am okay with their getting some, too. My compromise has been to shift the focus away from getting as many presents as possible and toward giving being a part of how we celebrate the holiday — and leaning into its other themes, such as gratitude, the miracles of Hanukkah, and pride in our Jewish identity.
Here are eight ways to help you shift the focus away from presents. You can adopt one or all eight. I hope they help bring your family meaning and joy.
Do something special as a family
Pick something that you’ve always wanted to do, and spend one night of Hanukkah on that activity. It doesn’t have to be something big, but something outside your normal routine. The memories you create together will be worth more and last longer than any physical present.
Serve others
There are many things even small hands can do! Find a local organization and volunteer as a family; your synagogue, JCC, or another community nonprofit may have suggestions. A nursing home or assisted-living facility can be a great place to start, since most love to have young visitors. If visiting is not an option, your family can make cards and decorations and drop them off.
Give tzedakah
Take the money you would have spent on a gift and, with your children, decide how to give it as tzedakah instead. Help younger children pick an organization that is meaningful for them; older children can do their own research and present it to the family to explain why they think their choice is important.
Go shopping (for others)
Take your kids to a toy store or a grocery store to stock up on items to donate to a local shelter or food pantry. Talk to your kids about what they are selecting and why. This is a great opportunity to teach them that, when we give to others, we don’t choose the easiest and cheapest thing. Instead, we pick things that honor the dignity of the person we are giving to, for instance, toys with particular children in mind or food that pantries need and that your child enjoys.
Do an art project
One of the things we are supposed to do is to publicize the miracle of Hanukkah, so find creative ways to decorate your house for the holiday so that neighbors and friends can experience light and joy in this time of darkness.
Have a no-gifts Hanukkah potluck
Invite family and friends (they don’t have to be Jewish) over for one of the eight nights and ask them to bring their favorite fried food or Hanukkah treat. Make sure that everyone is on board with the no-gifts policy so that there truly aren’t any presents. Bring out dreidels for a dreidel competition, provide lots of toppings for latkes, decorate Hanukkah cookies, have a Hanukkah sing-along. You can even have a toy or food drive as the price of admission. Part of the message of Hanukkah is to be proud of our Jewish identity when it is easy and when it is hard, and a party helps foster that pride in your children in a really fun way. I promise you they won’t miss the presents.
Get creative with thank-you notes
More than likely, your children will get gifts over the holiday, from you or other family members and friends. Buy or make thank-you notes in advance and work with your children to fill one out for each present. Little ones can sign their name or draw a picture (even a scribble is great). As they get older, they can add more words. You are building their gratitude muscles and reminding them that there are people who spent time and care picking out things for them to enjoy.
Get cozy with a Jewish book night
On the Shabbat of Hanukkah, my parents would give my sisters and me a Jewish book of our choice (this was before PJ Library). I still remember how happy that made me feel. This might be a time when you settle in to read as many Hanukkah books as your child wants. If older children want to read on their own, have on hand some of the many wonderful titles recommended by PJ Library that help kids understand their Jewish identity in an engaging and age-appropriate way.
About the Author
Rabbi Rebecca Rosenthal is the senior director of youth and family education at Central Synagogue, where she oversees programming for families and children of all ages, including the nursery school, religious school, teen programming, and family programs. She holds a bachelor’s degree from Yale University and was ordained as a rabbi and received a master’s degree in Jewish education from the Jewish Theological Seminary, where she was a Wexner fellow. She lives in New York City with her husband and three children.
More
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Host a Tzedakah Night During Hanukkah
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December 13, 2024