“A father is obligated to teach their child to swim.”
(Talmud, Kiddushin 29a)
Our almost seven year old is learning how to swim — and she’s not very good at it yet.
Sometimes she remembers to use her arms but forgets to kick her feet. Other times, she makes huge, soaking splashes with her legs, but her arms go limp. And she’s terrified to float on her back, which makes sense, because as soon as she tries, she generally sinks like a rock. As I said, she’s not very good — but she is quite determined to improve.
Yesterday evening, at her insistence, we went out to the pool to practice. I sat on the edge with my legs stretched out as a platform, and she carefully laid back across them, giggling nervously. At first, she would only stay flat on the water for seconds at a time. But she kept trying, over and over, even as the sky darkened, and mosquitoes circled. Slowly, I shifted from supporting her with both legs to just one. Her body settled, her breathing slowed, and she began to feel the water holding her up. Finally, just before bedtime, she asked: “Can I do one all on my own?” And for a few moments, there she was — floating, calm under the night sky.
The Talmud teaches that fathers have a long list of sacred obligations to their children: to bring them into the covenant, to teach them Torah, to help them make a path toward love and independence. And to that list, the Sages add one more thing: We must teach our children to swim (Talmud, Kiddushin 29a). Rashi, the great medieval commentator, explains: “Lest they someday find themselves in danger, they can save themselves.”
Of course, the role of protector and teacher is not limited to fathers; it is the sacred responsibility of all parents and guardians of any gender. Still, as I held my daughter’s small body steady on the water, I felt a particular sense of calling, like I was fulfilling my purpose as her dad. We live in a terribly frightening world, full of so many dangers that I can do little if anything to shield her from. But here, at least, is one thing I can do. I can help teach her to swim. I can ensure she has a skill that might one day save her life. I can make her just a little safer for the moments when I will not be there to hold her up.
For me, that is the essence of fatherhood: the daily work of doing what we can to keep our kids safe, to help them thrive, to learn to trust in themselves, to lie back and just ... float.
About the Author
Rabbi Adam Greenwald is the Rabbi of Congregation B’nai Israel (CBI) in Orange County, California, where he is passionate about creating inclusive and caring Jewish community that feels like “mishpocha.” Formerly, the Vice President for Jewish Engagement at American Jewish University, Rabbi Greenwald founded the Maas Center for Jewish Journeys and is the author of the widely used On One Foot: An Introduction to Judaism Coursebook. He is married to Anne, a curator with a focus on contemporary Jewish art, and they are the proud parents of a spirited soon-to-be 2nd grader.
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